Indirect speech .

You guys might not know . But i'm really happy whenever there's the whole lot of *my* girls with me . Sinced the day when we started going out . I promise myself that :" Yes , they're the one . I'll treasure them " But it seems that my actions dont prove it . Maybe i failed .. But this is the toughest ''subject'' i've ever taken /. Sweet talks ? It depends on how you see it .
>>A promise not .

You guys are my source of living during that period of time . My this my that . I even once said that I dont mind . Going out with your circle of friends who kept joking around and everything . Although it hurts .. I controlled . Although it's SO SO SO irritating . I controlled . Although i wna cry . I hold on . Although i wna complain . I controlled . You might not know how much it hurts , how can i cry about it . How can everything stress me during the night . Maybe you know .. But maybe not .
>>My ego .

When we went out . Either on Tampines OR Pasir ris . I just want everyone to be happy . I wna share whatever that hurts .
>>I failed to do so .

Just want everyone to be honest and everything . Is it so hard ? If you dont tell me , would I know ?
>>Taking the easy way out .

Till that night . What hurts the most is that very whole period of time . I've to maintain a smile still . When you just wna deny and hide something . Your face tells me all .. I choose to believe still . But how to when im listening all sorts of things ? Maybe non of you felt what im feeling . All you guys thought about that period of time was " Cheryl's a betrayer ." Or maybe .. YES a Liar . Nobody wna hear me out , i didnt bother me . I tried to start a conversation with one of you when theres only the two of us . Still , i failed . I dont know ., i just wna talk in a way that i'll hurt nobody . But maybe ..i've already done so .
>>Egoism ..

Whenever we came out . Most of us had a h2h talk . A conversation safe with one another . Many a times both party agreed upon it too . But just for one SECOND . When this one second changed your whole life . Everything that you've been building up for so long .. Actually fell down .
>>Damaged .

Although nobody speak , nobody said . But I know .. I know what the whole lot of you are thinking . If you guys really wna know what exactly i'm thinking ... You could have ask . No one did .. Everyone just wna keep things the way it is . So theres no room for improvement . I'm ot pushing the blames , but saying how i really felt . This few days ..
Optimistic : If my life's supposed to be the way it is now . Then i've to give in and stay happy . Im trying to make myself believe that Life's Good .
>>Thoughts .

Whatever i said now . Aint of any use . Sweet talk ? Haha , Use your head instead . Why would i sweet talk to bring you all back to me ? I've no reasons to do so . I just wna let you all know how i feel . This is not an explanation . Trying to ''POR LUM PA '' ? Whatever you say then . When you guys try to explain for your actions . You want people to give you a chance . When people wna do so . You tend to see it in a different manner .
>>I've no idea //?

Everyone of us here , have flaws . Yes , i admit . IM NOT PERFECT , and so are you . Did i ask for too much ? Till now i dont know what i actually done wrong . Or is it , because of the phone call ? Haha , everything sounded like a joke , yet a dream .
>>Facts.

Whatever i've writen here . You guys might think that im trying to gain sympathy . But i dont have to do so . If we could no longer be friends , i wouldnt mind either . Not that i dont care . But so long as you guys are better off without me -- I dont mind .. Not that i dont care . But i know i'm tired . If i go on , everything's gna fall on me ; I know i cant have another breakdown . Thats why i choose to rant everything here . It can be none of your business , but it's my business . MY business when i dont know what's going on AROUND me . Even if you're on the verge to give me a tight slap . I'd prefer you let me know . Even if you wna tell me how much you detest me . I'd prefer YOU to let me know . At least after hearing this , i can let out what hurts inside . Not for now .. Nothing said and done . You guys are torturing me
>>Ends here .